JFIMS Exclusive – Case Report Advanced Variant Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease (Mad Cow) in a 78-Year-Old Extremely Orange Male:

Volume 69, Issue 3: “Gimme cookie Gimme cookie”

March 15, 2026  

A Case Report

Authors:

Dr. Prion McBrainrot, MD

Dr. Spongiform Encephalopathologist

Abstract

We present the highly unusual case of a 78-year-old reality TV star and former president with advanced mad cow disease. Initial concern was raised not because of neurological symptoms, but because the patient was alarmingly orange — a shade previously only seen in traffic cones and Cheeto dust.

Case Presentation

Doctors first became suspicious during routine examination when they noticed the patient’s skin tone registered somewhere between “hazardous waste” and “nuclear sunset.” Further history revealed a legendary consumption of approximately 14,000 burgers over the past decade. Neurological exam then confirmed classic prion disease:

1. Profound confabulation (“I won in a landslide”)

2. Repetitive speech patterns (“tremendous,” “the best,” “believe me”)

3. Selective memory loss (negative events mysteriously vanished)

4. Myoclonic twitching every time someone said “election results”

Diagnostic Imaging

Brain MRI demonstrated the classic “Swiss cheese” pattern. When shown the scan, the patient replied, “Those holes are beautiful. The most beautiful holes. Nobody has better holes than me.”

Discussion

This case is medically fascinating. While most CJD patients deteriorate rapidly, this individual has maintained high-functioning chaos for years. Leading theory: The extreme orange pigmentation may act as a natural UV protectant for prions, while a steady supply of burgers, Diet Coke, and rally dopamine continues to fuel what remains of his neurons.

Conclusion

Physicians were initially concerned about the patient’s alarming orange hue. They are now even more concerned that the orange might be the only thing holding his brain together. We recommend continued close observation — preferably with sunglasses — and a national warning against eating questionable burgers while running for office.

Conflict of Interest: None. We’re just documenting history.

References

1.        McBrainrot P, Spongiform S, Orange O. Variant Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease presenting with persistent orange pigmentation and grandiose delusions. Journal of Really Fucking Important Medical Shit. 2026;69(420):1-69.

2.        Prionstein A, Bovine B, McDonald M. Long-term survival in vCJD associated with extreme dietary intake of processed beef products. American Journal of Neurodegenerative Chaos. 2025;12(3):420-427.

3.        Flanary W, Glaucomflecken G. The protective effect of spray tan on prion propagation: A speculative review. Dermatology & Delusions Quarterly. 2026;15(1):1-4.

4.        CDC. Increased incidence of spongiform encephalopathy in individuals with high fast-food consumption and political ambition. Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report (MMWR). 2026;75(12):666-669.

5.        Jackson R. I examined the patient and can confirm his brain is, in fact, tremendous. White House Medical Unit Internal Memo. 2024. (Leaked)